Musings on EBT: Round Two

(photo credit: amspartner.com)

So, I got my food stamps after all.

I have no idea how this happened. Today when I checked my mailbox there was my EBT card along with a letter telling me how much I qualified for and that it would be deposited in my account on the 10th of every month. I'm going to run with it.

I was pumped. Mostly because I was on my way to the grocery store at that very moment. I called M to tell him the awesome news. I called my mom. I texted my boss. "Woo-hoo!" I nearly exclaimed in a very-Vicki moment (Real Housewives of Orange County anyone?). But guess what? Anxiety about actually using the card was starting to creep in around the edges.

I have never tried to use food stamps before. All I knew was that they were only good for food (duh). The card looks like a credit card, with an American flag on the front with my name and card number. I tucked the card into my wallet and confidently* strode into my neighborhood Kroger. (*Read: slowly losing my nerve and questioning whether I would really use the card or not once I got to the register.)

I shopped, conscious of three very pressing things:

1. I don't want my purchases to look extravagant.

2. How weird will it look when I use my new EBT card and my reusable shopping bags?

3. What self-effacing joke can I make when I mess up trying to use this card for the first time?

Obviously I was fairly uncomfortable using the card, especially in the nice-neighborhood Kroger.

I shopped quickly & then spent 15 minutes sussing out the cashiers and picking a line with the least-judgmental-looking employee. Know which one I picked? The one with the new guy, who had to ask his trainer how to enter my card. He was quiet and subtle and called it an EBT card. She was loud and matter-of-fact and called them food stamps. He looked embarrassed for me. Fortunately, in that moment I was more worried that something wouldn't work than self-conscious about receiving government assistance. All-in-all I walked out with $39 in groceries. Nothing extravagant, enough to keep me for two weeks. It worked and it'll keep me from decimating my bank account trying to feed myself.

I knew this was going to be a "lessons learned" moment. Now, this is the poverty experience VISTA wanted me to have. Despite my anxiety over using the card at all, and my expectations that any who saw it would be judging me, I was proud of myself for one simple reason: I did not try to explain or defend myself. I did not blurt out, "I've never done this before--and I'm an AmeriCorps Member and just qualify because I'm living on a small stipend--did I mention I have a bachelors degree AND a masters degree--and...What's that? You don't care? I'm holding up the line?" Nope. I kept all this to myself and simply smiled at the green cashier while he fumbled to apologize for not knowing how to run my card--and maybe a little bit for his trainer's boldness. I made it through my first food stamps purchase and it wasn't that bad. Although, I'll be honest. I would rather have a job that keeps me from qualifying for food stamps and pay full price for my groceries. For the record: I'm probably not the only person who feels this way.

I'm also hoping they won't call me in three weeks and tell me I owe The Government $40 because I wasn't supposed to have the card in the first place.