Just Like My Mother

It has recently been brought to my attention that I worry just like my mother. The title of this blog is really a tribute to this lovely personality quirk that I've picked up somewhere along the way. I worry about everything. And when I'm not worried about something, I worry that I've forgotten something, or that that something else is just on the horizon. I know this is a tedious, useless way to be. I know that worry really does no good at all. Knowing this and stopping the behavior, however, have not followed in succession.

I would like to take a moment and point out that 1) I am not exactly like my mother (she worries more about me than I do) and 2) this tendency is not always a bad thing. For example, I prepare myself for a variety of possible scenarios in most situations. The girl scout motto is "be prepared"...or is that the boy scout motto? No matter. In any given situation you can count on me to have a pen, money, a camera, some kind of self-defense method (usually pepper spray), a light, etc. I'm a walking survival kit. Which is particularly funny because I don't like to camp- bugs, not having a place to pee, and being dirty aren't my favorite things.

That's a lot of preliminary information to explain that I'm in fine form right now because I have plenty to worry about. Since my last post (Unemployed) I've received one job offer and have a promising lead on a second opportunity. So, I went from having to make a decision about moving home vs. taking a less than appealing job, to potentially making a choice between two positions that would make me very happy. Pro-Con lists are a must, separated into two categories: professional and personal. On top of all that, M has been sequestered as part of a Jury on a 1st degree murder trial. So I can't talk through all of this stuff with him. The Divine sure has an incredible sense of humor. Upside? We agreed that at least now no one can say I made my decision based completely on him.

Speaking of M, without getting too mushy, things are just right. I always secretly rolled my eyes when people said their significant other was their "best friend" but I think I'm starting to understand where they're coming from. He gets me (and even when he doesn't, at least he tries), he listens to me (especially important because we disagree often!), and he makes me laugh - hard, and long, and about anything. I'm happy when I'm with him, and I try to make him happy. We balance each other out. Life is good - even if I am worried all the time. I can't help that, it's genetic.

Unemployed

It feels like every conversation these days starts with this subject. I'll lay it out for you now. No, I don't have a job. Yes I recognize that having a job is necessary to be a productive member of society. Yes I understand that living off mom and dad like a parasite with nothing to show of it at this age is not healthy, especially because it entitles my mom to have too much input on my life to date. Yes I have been applying for jobs and following up. No I'm not willing to move anywhere for any job (Yes I know this limits me...I'm doing it on purpose). Yes living/moving/deciding based on another person is a recipe for disaster. I know all of these things, and yet here I am.

I have a post graduate degree and I am unemployed. Every time I get close the job opportunity seems to slip through my fingers. "Here's THE lead! I'm so excited, I'm going to get this job," aaand....nothing. Again. And again. And again. How in the holyhell can this be so hard?

It doesn't help that I've literally be a student since I was 4 years old. I don't even know if I know how to work. My uncle passed on this little pearl of wisdom over the week: it's called 'work' because it's not play, and you get payed to do it because you won't do it for free. He also told me that you do what makes you the most money so that you can afford to do the fun things you loooove to do. That's a different picture of 'career' than I got on graduation day (all three of them). However, this uber-cynical point of view is oddly refreshing. A job's a job. That's all. It doesn't have to be life defining. I can make a difference outside of my job if I want to, if I work for it. I'm still going for the ideal, and that keeps me from some options, but knowing what he told me makes me feel a little less guilty if I end up taking the job that doesn't match the ideal.

And anyway, I can do pretty much anything for a year.