Dear Mel,

Note to self: Slow down.

The older I get, the faster the earth spins. Hours are busier, days shorter, years pass by in a blink. This time last year I was:

Walking away from graduation with my masters degree, thinking about all the wonderful jobs I would have to turn down when I accepted the perfect one (ha, ha, HA). Thinking about how I would pay for two more months in my apartment until my least was up & where I'd go once it was time to move away.

Having a brief facebook conversation (romantic, no?) with M -- who was just a friend at the time --, thinking about how we had flirted and wondering why I hadn't been more upfront about my crush.

Enjoying a little time at home with my family in my house, listening to them talk about renovation versus new versus construction versus plain old furniture replacement. And around we go.

And now? Now I'm in this "big city" in TN. My family is visiting me here for the holidays because they decided on new & construction and in a few weeks time, the house I grew up in will be no more. M & I have been together for a year (!). It seems like a lifetime ago that we were "just friends" and was crushing like a 12 year old. And then in the same instant it seems like yesterday that he surprised me with a kiss in a parking lot. Now I have a job, albeit not the perfect job, but a job. In my field. Where I get to contribute. Where I feel like I'm useful and helpful and capable after 8 MONTHS of no job and 15 months before that of miserably slogging through my master's thesis (a word of new years wisdom: may I caution you against this--or at least encourage you to pick an easy professor).

Today I watched my co-worker type the year 2010 and had a woah-moment. This year I will turn 26. This year I will deal with the same job search dileima as I did last year, but I will face it with new eyes, wisened eyes, more purposeful eyes. This year I will celebrate with my family. I will see them as much as I can, because I am blessed to be able to see them (even if we make one another crazy after a couple of days!). This year I will nurture my relationship with M. I will remember all of those things that made us successful to this point, our communication, our effort, our sincerity, our investment in each other.

At Christmas dinner, meaning nothing but honest encouragement, my uncle told my brother that things would work out. I interrupted him, as I am wont to do, and said, "And sometimes you have to work them out." This year I will not look back and say, "I can't believe that happened." I will say "I made that happen." I will slow down and take stock of my actions and decisions. How's that for a resolution? It sounds big and impressive, and yet is abstract enough that I can hang the Mission Accomplished banner without too much defense (thanks for that trick, Dubya). In all seriousness, personal responsibility is probably a resolution I should have made long before my 25th year, but here I am and here we go.

Here Comes Santa Claus

My house is a wreck. I've been working on Christmas presents so there's stuff EVERYWHERE. Balls of yarn piled up in a bag by the couch, pens, paint and paper spread out on the coffee table, clothes from the last three weekends I've spent out of town all over the floor, etc.

It looks like a tornado ripped through my lovely, neat apartment (see last weeks pictures)-- albeit a festive tornado. Money's tight this year, so Christmas presents mean lots of homemade things and lots of work on my part in the 18 days I have left. I'm looking forward to spending some time with my family. I spent thanksgiving with M's family and as great and welcoming as they are, as much a part of their family as I feel, it doesn't mean I don't miss MY family.

Sometimes when my mom throws passive aggressive remarks my way about not moving back home, I think, "Are you listening to this conversation, I'm good. Thanks." Other times, I think "Mom, I miss you so much, I hate that I moved so far away and can't see you whenever I want, don't you know that?" Thus is the nature of our relationship. It's not so different from others I've heard. We try to protect each other, that's what family does. It can be frustrating. Love can be frustrating.

And on that note, here comes Christmas. It Arrives with boughs of holly and silver bells. (And often leaves with a feeling I can only imagine is similar to being run over by a reindeer.) In two weeks I'll be picking up my family at the airport and they'll see my new city as my city for the first time. I should probably start picking up my messy apartment.

Welcome to December

Things I love:

• Thanksgiving. It always makes me happy no matter where I am. I like to cook and eat and spend time with people who love each other.

• Christmas Lights. Both professional and amateur displays, electric and wax. My lights and tree are up, candles are everywhere. This is my favorite part of the season.

• Snow! Which is forecast for Thursday morning. Just flurries, but I'll take it.

Things I don't love:

• Loud neighbors who listen to their TV with THE VOLUME ALL THE WAY UP.

• Leaving my house early to defrost my car windows.

• Service departments that are supposed to close at 5, but go home earlier than that.

(p.s. Did you know if you google 'amateur,' but misspell it 'amature' all you get for results are porn sites? Doesn't say much for that "recession-proof" industry.)