Dear Mel,

Note to self: Slow down.

The older I get, the faster the earth spins. Hours are busier, days shorter, years pass by in a blink. This time last year I was:

Walking away from graduation with my masters degree, thinking about all the wonderful jobs I would have to turn down when I accepted the perfect one (ha, ha, HA). Thinking about how I would pay for two more months in my apartment until my least was up & where I'd go once it was time to move away.

Having a brief facebook conversation (romantic, no?) with M -- who was just a friend at the time --, thinking about how we had flirted and wondering why I hadn't been more upfront about my crush.

Enjoying a little time at home with my family in my house, listening to them talk about renovation versus new versus construction versus plain old furniture replacement. And around we go.

And now? Now I'm in this "big city" in TN. My family is visiting me here for the holidays because they decided on new & construction and in a few weeks time, the house I grew up in will be no more. M & I have been together for a year (!). It seems like a lifetime ago that we were "just friends" and was crushing like a 12 year old. And then in the same instant it seems like yesterday that he surprised me with a kiss in a parking lot. Now I have a job, albeit not the perfect job, but a job. In my field. Where I get to contribute. Where I feel like I'm useful and helpful and capable after 8 MONTHS of no job and 15 months before that of miserably slogging through my master's thesis (a word of new years wisdom: may I caution you against this--or at least encourage you to pick an easy professor).

Today I watched my co-worker type the year 2010 and had a woah-moment. This year I will turn 26. This year I will deal with the same job search dileima as I did last year, but I will face it with new eyes, wisened eyes, more purposeful eyes. This year I will celebrate with my family. I will see them as much as I can, because I am blessed to be able to see them (even if we make one another crazy after a couple of days!). This year I will nurture my relationship with M. I will remember all of those things that made us successful to this point, our communication, our effort, our sincerity, our investment in each other.

At Christmas dinner, meaning nothing but honest encouragement, my uncle told my brother that things would work out. I interrupted him, as I am wont to do, and said, "And sometimes you have to work them out." This year I will not look back and say, "I can't believe that happened." I will say "I made that happen." I will slow down and take stock of my actions and decisions. How's that for a resolution? It sounds big and impressive, and yet is abstract enough that I can hang the Mission Accomplished banner without too much defense (thanks for that trick, Dubya). In all seriousness, personal responsibility is probably a resolution I should have made long before my 25th year, but here I am and here we go.