Author's note: This is a story as old as The Hills (you know, the t.v. show?). We've all seen it before. But, Saturday night I was sitting all alone & had no one to enjoy the train wreck with me. So here it is in all its gory glory. With a little artistic license, of course. Pardon the puns, I assure you, I come by my sense of humor honestly.
Once upon a time in a happy, yet surreal, land called Collegeville, a pretty Princess and her Friend sought Saturday night refuge in a noisy, popular bar. That night a fantastic band was entertaining the crowd as they escaped their families on Easter/Passover weekend.
The Princess and the Friend sat watching the band and talking with a boy who was employed by that establishment, and therefore was distracted for much of the time he spent with them. The Princess and the Friend downed several beverages and then got up to dance.
There were many handsome young men who took notice of the Princess swaying back and forth, but the Frog was watching and waiting in the background all along.
All of a sudden the Frog hopped over to the Princess and ribbetted, "My Man-servant over there didn't think I would come talk to you, so I had to prove him wrong!" The Princess hesitated. Everyone who overheard the Frog thought, "Oh Princess, don't fall for that old line!" But the Frog was smart, and the look in his eyes said, "If you'll only kiss me, you'll see I'm a Prince in disguise."
And the Princess fell for it.
Of course, this required the help of the Man-servant, who was quick to win the affections of the Friend. The quartet danced and laughed and switched partners. And this, seemingly innocent, supposedly temporary, partner swap was the beginning of the end for the Frog.
For the Princess realized the Man-servant was the more handsome and suave of the pair. As she danced, she noticed the band through her haze and realized the man playing to entertain the audience was debonair, as well. The spell was broken.
The Frog panicked and kicked wildly (as frogs are apt to do in a tight squeeze). He tried in vain to pull the Princess away from the other gentlemen while she batted her eyelashes and trilled her voice in their direction. The Princess grew bored of this game, and asked the Friend to retire to the powder room with her. She was discovering the truth that the observers already knew, he was not a Prince at all!
All in attendance recognized this as The Kiss the Frog did NOT want. This, unhappily for the Frog, was The Kiss of Death.
Within minutes the Princess was saying her goodbyes to the Frog, while he unashamedly tried to convince her to come home with him. Not wanting to be outrightly rude (she was a princess after all!) she begged off, saying, "I like you, but I'm going to my house," all the while making starry eyed glances at the good looking man on the stage. The Princess pulled away from the Frog as he tried to kiss her--landing ineffectively on an awkward spot somewhere between her cheek and the back of her neck. She parted with a hug, dragging the Friend away from the Man-servant.
Once free from the Frog, the Princess tried one last time to garner the attention of the man on the stage, to no avail. As the Princess and the Friend walked out into the night, arm in drunken arm, the Frog and the Man-servant regrouped and turned their attentions to a table of older, married women.
And the moral? Well, there is more than one to this story, so take heed:
1. Never let a Frog do all the talking.
2. Keep an eye on your Princess--and keep dancing. If you're not fun, you'll lose her attention and affection.
3. Kiss off Princess. That handsome man on the stage is most certainly spoken for.
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